Boring Brian

Remember how I said that if someone wants to set me up on a date, I'm all in?  Well, Brian was the first date that someone actually followed through with her promise.  One of my former roommates and I would often talk about guys and dating and potential dates... like so many girls do.  One Sunday night, she came home from her church group and brought her best friend.  As the three of us were talking, she got really excited about setting up a bunch of her friends on blind dates... and she wanted us all to go out together for the first time.  She had this elaborate idea of how it would all work, too, to ensure that everyone would have a good time.  The initial proposal would have resulted in 10-16 people going out together as a group, but each with a specific match in mind... I told you it was elaborate.

In the end, only four of us agreed to this group blind date, but since she was the only connection we all had, we each separately told her that she still needed to go (even though her date fell through).  Now, you might be thinking... at least there were five of you... it couldn't have been THAT boring, right?  Actually, you are right.  That first night wasn't too bad.  It just wasn't very interesting either, so I won't bore you with the details.  It IS important to note, however, that at our final stop of the evening after eating Yogurtland frozen yogurt, I DID kind of fall asleep... but just a little bit!

Apparently, Brian understood that I was just tired because he called me that week to ask me on a date with just the two of us.  It sounded like a good idea, so I happily agreed.  He picked me up and my first hint that this might not be the greatest date ever should have been when he asked me if I knew how to get to the place he wanted to go.  I was distracted, though, because the place we were headed was this super fun arcade on the boardwalk that I grew up going to!  How could we NOT have a great time at an arcade?!

Well, on our way to the arcade we stopped for dinner.  Since Brian didn't want to go to one of the chain restaurants at the beach, he decided to stop at this place we saw on the side of the road called "Shorehouse Cafe."  You could tell it had been around for a while and on the door, in that self-adhesive lettering let us know that they had "The best food around!"  As soon as we walked in, I think Brian's jaw dropped because it turns out that "cafe" actually meant lounge/bar.  There were plenty of people inside, but they were all middle-aged men, sitting at the square bar in the middle of the room, and they all turned to stare at us as the hostess confirmed that there would be 2 of us that evening.  So far... the date was actually somewhat amusing with the inner commentary I had going on in my head. :)

Then we sat down and the actual conversation started.  At first it was normal get-to-know-you topics and during that time he accidentally mentioned his ex-wife... Now, I was in my early twenties at the time, so I was a bit shocked to discover that he had been married and divorced already (something my roommate neglected to mention when she set me up with him).  As shocking as that was, I understand that it's not the end of the world and maintained my composure as we continued our date.  By the time dinner was over, I was REALLY excited for the arcades.  I thought it would give us something to do to break up some of the monotony and interview-like-feeling that was already taking over our conversation.

Little did I know, that when Brian asked about the arcades on the boardwalk, he didn't actually want to go to the arcade... he just wanted to walk... and walk... and walk... and walk.......

We walked across the street after eating "the best food around."  We walked to the boardwalk.  We walked past the frozen banana stand.  We walked past the first arcade... then the ferris wheel... then the second, third, & fourth arcades.  We walked past the carousel at the end of the arcade line up.  Then we turned around.  I thought, "Great!  He just wanted to see all of our options.  Now we'll go back and play some games!"

I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up.....

We walked back past the carousel, past the fourth, third, and second arcades... then the ferris wheel... and finally past the first arcade and banana stand.  THEN, what do you think he wanted to do?  Turn around again to continue to walk past it all yet again!  I think on the fourth or fifth time past the arcades, we did stop for about 2 minutes to play one round on one of those dancing games (think- imitation Dance, Dance Revolution), but we didn't even get to finish all three rounds that came with our 50 cents.  He started to walk away after the first round, so I followed.  I mean- I didn't want to be rude!  And, I thought he might be choosing a different game... I was wrong.

Brian just wanted to keep walking... back and forth in front of all the fun games and rides!  I guess the arcade scenery got old after a while, so after a couple hours of walking back & forth, Brian suggested we just keep going straight instead of turning around.  I tried to make the conversation interesting by telling stories about the different places we past, but Brian just wanted to keep walking and asking ice breaker questions the ENTIRE TIME.

"If you could be any animal, what would you be and why?"

"If you were a vegetable, which would you be?"

"What 3 things would you bring with you to a deserted island?"

"What was your favorite subject in high school?  College?"

"What is your favorite color?"

"What is your favorite superhero?"

"Did you play any sports in high school or college?"

And so on, and so forth... In and of themselves, he wasn't asking bad questions.  But I can only handle a limited amount of shallow small talk.  5+ hours was definitely WAY beyond that limit.  In addition to that was the walking... and more walking... and more walking... and more walking... with NO destination or purpose.  In our walk beyond the arcades, we were almost closer to my house than to the car so I suggested that we turn around.  We finally got back and then went into BJ's Pizza for a Pazooki (think pizza+cookie+ice cream)... and by the time the Pazooki was gone, so was I.

I can only assume that Brian noticed my eyes struggling to stay open, so he asked if I was ready to go.  At first I asked where, but then as soon as he started to answer, I panicked a little since I had missed my opportunity to go home!  About 2 minutes more of boring-ness and I told Brian that if we stayed any longer, I would probably fall asleep again.

He drove me home, we said goodnight, and I was thrilled to close the door behind me.

I didn't even mention that in all that walking, Brian also accidentally mentioned his "so- ... son" and "dau- ...daughter."  More shocking news for me, but I guess at those points it at least provided a brief relief from the boredom.

Trivial Topher

When I started emailing back and forth with Topher, I really had high hopes.  His emails made me laugh.  He added substance and depth to our conversations.  We shared the same beliefs.  We had common interests... he even played ultimate frisbee multiple times a week... so did I!!  Things were looking quite well for our first date.  With so much to talk about, surely we would enjoy each other's company!  Right?

...right?

After so many other bad dates (and I haven't even shared the one yet that gave me nightmares for months), I had started  to be a bit more picky about who I would choose to date... I was actually even a little bit excited to meet Topher.  We were going to have so much fun!  We were even going to a new restaurant/cafe that I had never tried... more bonus points!

With much anticipation, the day finally arrived.  I drove to The Boiler and as I pulled up, I saw Topher getting out of his car.  He had a big smile on his face... and I was still happy to be there.  First impressions seemed to be going pretty well for both of us.

But then came the rest of the date...
Have you ever had a date that just seemed blah?  There was no connection at all?  Where it was like talking to your classmate's friend?  So you were trying to be polite and still leave a good impression, but not because you cared about what the other person thought?  This is what the rest of the date felt like.  There was nothing inherently wrong with Topher... or our date... but it was all just...

...trivial.

The humor no longer came out.  The depth of conversation moved to the shallow end.  Everything that had made me excited to meet Topher had just vanished.  After lunch, we even drove to a nearby park to throw around a frisbee for a little bit, but even with something we both loved so much, there was absolutely no connection.

Maybe it was just nerves.  Or maybe I was the bad date this time (hard to imagine... I know!).  Maybe my expectations were too high.  Whatever the reason, Topher & I didn't really talk after that.

I almost didn't include Topher's story here, but then I realized... I am sharing my dating experiences... the good, the bad, and the boring. :)  So, even if you haven't had an experience similar to any of my others... most people will be able to relate to Trivial Topher and the shock of boredom that will jolt you into the realization that you are still on a journey and running that 10K (see my very first post for the reference here). I haven't reached the finish line yet, and I'm sure there will be many more trivial dates along the way.  I'm just praying now that all this dating isn't a trivial pursuit. :)

(haha... I know you had to laugh at my Trivial Pursuit joke... I laughed when I thought of it, AND when I typed it.) :)

Coming next... Boring Brian (this one is actually funny, though... not boring) and then... the much anticipated Dinosaur Dave!  Reactions to this story in person range from hysterical laughing to gasps of horror and disbelief... it's one of my favorites to tell for that reason alone.

Mistletoe Mike

I still have so many options of stories to tell, it is sometimes difficult for me to choose, but... my friend has been requesting this one since I started this blog, so here it is: The story of Mistletoe Mike.

The first date (yes... I said first... meaning that I actually saw him a second time) was fairly standard, but not great, and I didn't think I was super interested, but I felt kind of bad because he was definitely interested and over the phone the conversation was actually pretty good.  I figured he was nervous... especially since it was almost like a date planned out of a text book.  We met at Starbucks for coffee.  After about 45 minutes (and after checking his watch a few times), he asked if I had eaten and would like to get dinner.  We walked down a few doors to a cute little restaurant in Brea and enjoyed a pretty good dinner at which point he asked if I had other plans and would like to go see "Blindside" since we had talked about it during dinner.  Isn't that what everyone hears as the "how to" of a first date- ask her for coffee, if it's bad you have an easy out.  But if it's good, you keep going... but just one step at a time.

I really wanted to see the movie and it was just a little awkward, but not too bad, so we walked over to the theater to check times and it was just starting.  (It felt like this guy was trying to convince me why I should want to marry him like the Transylvania guy... Why do people do that?)

Anyway- the first really funny part (and where I should probably have ended it... since it didn't bother me too much that he was already talking about me meeting his family and our future life together) is at the end of that date... We walked back to the parking lot and he walked me back to my car.  A sweet gesture in my mind and he had started to gain a few points.  But then, he walked me to the other side of my car (apparently I tried to say bye too soon?).  I had my door open and was getting into my car when I looked over my shoulder to say goodbye.  When I looked over he had his arms open for a hug so I took the three steps to hug him.  During those three steps he mumbled, "Can I get a hug and a kiss goodbye?"  I was already in the act of giving him a hug when he asked, but he didn't give me a chance to reply before he went in for the kiss... It was SO uncomfortable.  I instantly jumped back and said, "...OOoorr just a hug..."  I felt bad, but didn't know what else to do.  I just knew I didn't want to kiss him.

Okay... so that was the end of date one, but way earlier in the date he had asked if I wanted to go to a hockey game because he had free tickets to the Ducks game the next Saturday afternoon.  I had already said I would go, so I went, but he knew I needed to leave early because I had plans that night with another friend.  We met at Starbucks again to ride together and when I got in his car to go to the game, he had bought me a box of chocolates.  A bit much for the second time we'd met, but sweet nonetheless.

At the hockey game, since it was near Christmas, they had the "mistletoe cam" that started going around.  He instantly said (with excitement), "Maybe it'll stop on us!"

And I instantly thought, "Oh no!  What happens if the camera stops on us?!?!?  Am I gonna be that big jerk and deny him in front of thousands of people?"  As I was deciding my level of jerky-ness... he STOOD UP and was trying to wave down the camera!  That's when he really blew it... I was already leaning as far away from him as possible (so he would get the clue) and kept my straw in my mouth the whole time, but he didn't care.  I glanced up at him, leaning farther and farther away, but it didn't seem to deter him.  I think I was practically in the seat next to me- that was on the opposite side of him.  Thankfully, the camera people got the hint even if Mike didn't, so it didn't stop on us, but uugghh... I was completely done with him by then and said we needed to go.  Then, on the way out he still offered to buy me a tshirt.  Don't worry, though, I politely refused so he wouldn't have to spend money on something that wasn't going anywhere.

I just laugh when I remember pushing back to refuse his kiss and then a week later... literally 7 days later... him trying again with the mistletoe camera.  Haha... I guess at least he's persistent, right?

Cautious Keith

Warning: This one is kind of long... funny... but long... :)

Something you might not know about me, is that for the past 8 years, I have always had many roommates... the most at one time was 8 (that means 9 girls in 1 house!) and I believe I have always been the oldest, at least by a couple years.  With that many girls, I don't think we had any other choice but to talk about guys on a pretty regular basis.  And being the oldest, the others always wanted to set me up on dates.

I don't know how many times in my life I've been asked if I'm willing to go on a blind date.  My response is always the same... Of course I'm willing!

I realize that my pool of potential boyfriends is greatly expanded if I can multiply it by my friends' friends!

My "date" with Keith is the result of one such statement.  Two of my roommates went to the same church and recently had gotten to interact with Keith.  They thought very highly of him... and since he was clearly older than either of them, that meant he would be perfect for me, right?

Well, they talked to me first, to see if I was open to meeting him... then they talked to Keith to see if he wanted to meet me.  My response?  You guessed it- Of course I'm willing!

Keith's response?  Sure... but as long as our meeting wasn't going to be a date.  That would be too much pressure and he was wary of getting into another serious relationship.  In order to make sure it wasn't a date, he said he would like to meet me in a group setting... at some activity or event that was already happening that we both happened to attend.

I thought I was just agreeing to a date, so I'm glad he had the foresight to put the brakes on before we met!  (I hope by now you can hear the sarcasm in that statement.)  After all, who would want that burden and weight on their shoulders?  It would be crushing.

Well, my roommates didn't know of any actual natural reason my path & Keith's would cross, so they decided to create this "natural" setting, by inviting us both to lunch at Chipotle after church.  They wanted to make sure it wasn't awkward with just the two of them and me & Keith, so they invited other mutual friends. In the end, there were probably about 15 people who came... and they ALL knew that this lunch was for the sole purpose of Keith & I meeting!  (Possibly with the exception of Keith)

Talk about awkward!  I can handle blind dates... I can handle group dates... But a blind date with an audience?!  At the same table?!  I don't know anyone who could make that seem natural.

We stood in line, ordered our burritos, tacos, & bowls, and as we all sat down my roommates made sure to point out a seat for me in the middle of the tables, right across from where they told Keith to sit.  Keith and I had a great conversation and it was actually relatively enjoyable... then I started getting distracted by the conversations surrounding me.

I first heard one friend say my name, but when I looked in her direction I knew she was talking ABOUT me and not TO me.  Then, I heard my name again... and Keith's name... and my name again.  We were the center of EVERY conversation at that table, but were not a part of any conversation... except our own... despite both of us trying to include others in our discussion.

We sat at Chipotle for 2 hours, talked about a variety of topics... and we were being analyzed the entire time.  I tried SO hard to focus on Keith, but must admit that I was probably the bad date (or non-date) that day, since I kept turning my eyes every time I heard my name.

I don't know whether or not Keith noticed, but I'm pretty sure the setting added more pressure to our meeting than just going on a simple coffee date... just the two of us... without the live studio audience sitting at our table.

Forgettable Frank... Or was it Fred... Or???

A few days ago, I had the awesome opportunity to go to the Long Beach Aquarium with my family to watch my dad go scuba diving in the main tank... with all the cool fish, a sea turtle, and even a few sharks!

As we were at lunch on the way to the aquarium, I started to have this foggy, distant memory with vague details slowly coming to mind.  I looked at my sister and mom across the table and with a perplexed look on my face said, "I think I went on a date to the Long Beach Aquarium at some point in my life... but... I can't remember who the guy was."  They laughed a little and probably didn't think much of it.

But the lack of detail was driving me crazy!  I could not believe that I could remember the aquarium, but had no recollection of my date.  I decided that maybe the details would be filled in throughout the rest of the day. Lucky for you... I was right!

...Kind of...

I remember a guy picking me up from a neighbor's house (I was cat-sitting... yes, cat-sitting... while they were away for a couple weeks).  I remember his old white truck with no A/C and windows that were barely functioning.  I remember where we parked and the tacos he ate before we went inside.  I even remember walking around the Lighthouse nearby, the family that asked us to take a picture, and each of the exhibits we saw together.

We watched my dad dive, which was an amazing experience, but still... I had no recollection of this mystery man.  The drive home provided more time to ponder the details of this date, and here is as much as I can remember:

After the aquarium, Mr. Forgettable asked if I was interested in grabbing dinner and we ended up at Flame Broiler near my house.  I was planning to go to a movie that night with a couple friends.  When I explained that I needed to pick up my friend for the movie, he eagerly mentioned that he also really wanted to see the same movie... What a coincidence, right?  So, I casually invited him along.

What can I say?  I like people.

We had to trade his truck for my car and first picked up one friend.  Then another.  The second friend had a few errands to run, so we joined her.  First stop: our church.  She needed to finish preparations for Sunday School the next day.  Second stop: Target, to pick out a gift for a wedding shower.  At this point, I was still debating my thoughts on Mr. Forgettable.  Our time together was... neutral... un-memorable.  At Target, though, I think he set his fate with me in motion.  Why, you ask?  Because he vanished... almost literally... I looked through the entire store with no luck.  I am still unsure of where he went or what he did, but when he finally returned my call, it was with a text: "Where r u? Did u leave?"

I thought fairly sarcastically, "Yes.  I left.  I went to the movie without you and now you have to figure out how to get back to your truck... that is parked at my house."

The end of the date is about as forgettable as the guy who accompanied me.  We watched the movie, dropped off my friends, and I took him back to his truck.  The only detail I remember about the end is his comment about the Pirates of the Caribbean movie that we watched... "It was a little bit complicated.  I think I'll need to watch it again to really get it."  A comment that is not uncommon with many movies, but usually those movies involve more complicated plots than fighting pirates.

The date itself isn't THAT funny, but I still can't remember what the guy looks like, his name, or anything else about him other than the details you've just read... and it still drives me just a little bit crazy. :)

Needless to say, this is another date that didn't make it past the first one.

The Transylvania Cassanova

My friends and family often tell me about "success stories" of people they know who have met online.  I was initially very hesitant and refused to consider creating a profile.  However, after years of hearing these success stories, I decided to embrace my reality and give it a shot.  Giovanni is one of the men I have met through one of the many online dating sites I have now tried.

It was a Sunday night and a terrible storm had decided to engulf the area with wind and rain.  A chai tea latte sounded good, so we met me at a Starbucks between his house and mine.  (Sometimes I don't know why I agree to meet these guys, but I just think you can tell so much more about someone in person.)  I walk in and think I might see him because it's the only guy who is alone, but he looks like he could potentially be my father... or at least my uncle.  He saw me and instantly recognized me because I had posted current pictures.  He said hello with a strong (Russian, Italian, German?) accent and kissed my hand.  He actually said, "Hello, Bella." (Imagine the accent... it's way better that way.)

He seemed very impressed, and actually probably said that a few times, but I already knew I wanted to leave.  I don't like to be rude, though, so decided to stay and at least give him a chance beyond my first impression... My gut isn't always right.  He then proceeded to talk (a LOT) and almost interview me on various political and religious beliefs, but he didn't really want to hear what I had to say.  He just wanted to make sure that I basically agreed with him and would then go off explaining his opinions... for looonnggg periods of time.  Throughout the conversation he was telling me about how perfect of a match we were and that we agree on everything and that we believe the same things, etc.  It was as if he had decided I would make a good wife and he was making sure I knew it.

At one point, he stood up, walked over to the barista at the counter and started asking for something, but he couldn't understand what Giovanni was trying to say (due to the strong accent).  Eventually, he got his point across and got a black sticker that they put on the food items.  He came back over to me grabbed my hand and told me that he "claimed" me to be his wife and that I would love it in Transylvania... his home country... when we went back to visit his family.

At this point, you might be thinking, "Really?!?  There's no way that actually happened."  I assure you, though, that Giovanni was absolutely serious and continued with his plan of winning me over, despite the look of utter shock that overtook my face.

He wanted me to go with him so much so, that he thought it would be helpful to tell me over and over again how beautiful it is and how Transylvania is not like what people often imagine with vampires and such.  At that point, he also proceeded to lean forward to kiss me!  I turned my head so he got my cheek, but I was a little taken aback by that.  Giovanni was unfazed.  He even almost called his sister while we were on the date to introduce us...

I told him no thanks.

He walked me to my car, I got in, put my umbrella away, and when I turned to say goodbye & close my door, he leaned in to kiss me again!  Again, I turned my head so he got my cheek.  I was semi-shocked by his boldness to go for the kiss again on the same date after one rejection just 30 minutes earlier, but at the same time, he didn't seem too concerned with my reaction or response to anything... As long as he could find a way to get me back to his home country.  He failed, but he gave me a good laugh as I recounted my evening to my friends.

Conversation Killer Kyle... aka the Silent Straw Story

As you read these stories about my life, I hope they bring a smile to your face and laughter to your day.  Since you don't know me, I think it is only fair to give you this small warning: I have this tendency to include more detail than is needed to get the main points across, but that's because it is all part of the story in my mind... it just ends up making a short story, a little bit longer.  With that said...

I had been talking online with this guy for probably about 2 weeks.  He seemed funny and our communication felt fairly natural.  It wasn't awkward or forced... just fun.  So, he asked me my favorite burger and I told him TK Burgers is great.

We decided to meet there for our first time meeting in person.  After church on Sunday afternoon, we met up for lunch and my first thought was... he's a little shorter than I had pictured... even though I had seen pictures. :)  We went inside and stood in line to order our food.  We were next and he held his hand out as if to say, "after you."  I proceeded to order at which point I noticed he went to a different line.  That's when I realized this lunch was on me.  That is also when I realized that TK only takes cash and I had none with me.

I awkwardly had to tell the cashier that I forgot they don't take cards and the guy looked over and said, "Oh!  Did you want me to pay for that?"  I wish you could hear the tone of disgust that was in his voice... It was clear he didn't want to pay the $3.43 that my lunch cost, so I said he didn't need to, got out of line to go to the ATM to pay the $2 surcharge to get out money to pay for my lunch.  I went back to the cashier and paid.  It wasn't enough for me to instantly decide against seeing this guy again because I didn't really know how the online dating thing worked and people have different expectations, etc, but he definitely hadn't made a good first impression.

We sat down and talked for a bit, but I felt like I was leading the whole conversation.  He wouldn't talk unless I asked him a question and I don't think he asked one question in return.  I tried to tell a few stories or talk about myself a little bit, but it was just incredibly draining.  At some point, I thought that it might be because I was talking too much and he didn't know when to interject so I decided that I would make it clear that I was taking a break... I picked up my cup (that happened to be empty other than ice) and "sipped" my drink for at least a minute straight as I was waiting for him to say ANYTHING!  The whole time, he didn't say a single word.  It was SO awkward.  I looked at him, I looked away, I didn't know what to do except keep sipping, waiting for him to say something.  I even awkwardly smiled with the straw still in my mouth, as I kept looking back and forth like one of those cat clocks.

Eventually, I put down my cup and looked at my watch (or phone or something to see the time).  At least he picked up on THAT clue.  He looked at his watch and said he didn't know how much time he had left on his meter.  I jumped on that opportunity to affirm the fact that we should leave.  He walked me to my car and we said goodbye, but I was SO relieved to be done with that date.

That One Date Story... Everybody's Got One

Sometimes it feels like dating is a 10K race... you need to be prepared (but it's very doable), you need to pace yourself (it's definitely not a sprint), and it's the perfect distance to have fun along the way.  But every once in a while, you run into an unexpected obstacle or two... like a lake that's deeper than you are tall that you have to cross.

Everyone who is active in the dating world has at least one good date story... and what makes a good date story?

A bad date... an awkward date... an unexpected twist...

For whatever reason, I have a vast array of experiences with these types of dates in my own life.  Since I like bringing joy and laughter to others, I have decided to begin this blog.  Now you, along with my family and friends, can read with intrigue, anticipation, and occasional shock as the details of each date unfold.

After I get a few stories posted, I'm sure you will start to have favorites... let me know which ones you like the most.  And hey- maybe you'll be reading and think that I would be a perfect match for one of your brothers or friends or colleagues.  Maybe they'll make the good, good date story that changes my dating trend.

Stories to look for in the future:

Conversation Killer Kyle

Dinosaur Dave

Loser Luis

Mistletoe Mike

Boring Brian

and many, many others